The Great Unplug: Breaking Through the Bleh

Writer's block is not the worst occurrence in the writing life. If you don’t write anything, at least you don’t say anything stupid.

Writing bleh, on the other hand…

Writing bleh occurs when everything you write is verbal mucous. Brain phlegm, if you will. 

And you want to fix it. You really do. You simply can’t. 

What frustrates you the most is you should know how. You’ve taken all the writing classes. You know all the rules. You’ve learned the techniques of revision. Your numerous thesauri lie next to the keyboard, anxious to give you direction.

It should be easy.

So you highlight what your congested mind coughed up before, take a deep breath, and...hack up a lung!

In frustration, you search your bookshelves for a helpful writer’s guide. You slog through the Internet for worthwhile exercises. You search for the inspirational quote from the world’s greatest authors. 

You try to write and again nothing.

Do not worry. There’s a far more efficient way to stimulate the mind.

Walk away.

Notice that I did not say, “Throw away.” No, leave what you have on the screen and WALK away. To another room. To another house. To another county.

Before you throw up your hands and lunch in disgust, think of this solution as resetting your computer when the only thing you can do to make the darned thing work is to unplug it, count to 30, and start over.

What happens is miraculous. All the programs that mucked up the system before, now work flawlessly, and you’re back in business.

When I ask techies why unplugging works to re-establish a working computer, none of them can tell me. “It just does,” they say.

Just as your computer gets clogged by trying to do too much with too much, so your writing also gets clogged with critical-analytical overload where all the creative writing/editing “programs” you’ve learned over the years try to kick into gear at once, clogging up your brain until NOTHING works. 

The only thing you can do is unplug.

Unlike the 30-second computer model, however, to unplug your brain, take at least 30 minutes and do something else. 

Wash the dishes. Build a snowman. Take a walk to McDonald’s and have a Shamrock Shake. (Unless you’re on Weight Watchers and the 660 calories doesn’t fit into your daily point total. Then I suggest coffee, tea, or diet soda.)

After your McDonald’s Moment, go back to the computer, bring up what you wrote earlier, and see how much easier the process is. 

With all your “programs” reset, everything you already know simply works without prodding or cajoling. Like the computer geeks who recommend the Great Unplug, I can’t tell you why walking away from your writing rejuvenates your work. It just does.

No more brain phlegm. No more anxiety. No more bleh.

When exasperation and anxiety mount, remember the old commercial and smile. "You deserve a break today."

Just unplug.

Writing Tools: Pencil Boxes, Book Bags, and the Trouble with Tribbles

For nine months this pencil box has sat next to the computer pleading with me to stop sputtering and ranting at the idiotic comments in the local paper. Channeling Ernest Hemingway, the box quietly states, "The writer must write what he has to say, not speak it."

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 

Stupid box. When I need your help, I'll ask for it.


What is especially irritating about the engraving is that the box just sits there looking great and inspirational on the outside, but the inside is empty. 

Nothing to write with. Nothing to write on.

Empty. EMPTY!!!

Kind of like a person's head after watching fifteen minutes of afternoon television.

Blech! 

Some people would say it's a nice decoration, but it shouldn't be a decoration. Far more than a fancy container, it was made for a purpose. It was given to me with a purpose. And I've been ignoring it...kind of on purpose. 

It's difficult to ignore because even though it speaks silently, it speaks loudly. It reminds me that I have work to do and this is my toolbox.

I hate the term work. 

One could justify the box's emptiness, I suppose, by asserting that pencil boxes have lost their usefulness in the age of computers. That's a copout, however. If nothing else, pencil boxes are symbolic of a writer's toolbox, and as such, should be filled. Which started me thinking, "What should be in the writer's tool box?"

The teacher instinct kicked in and proclaimed, "Let's make a list. Or better yet, let's make THREE!"

Here they are: The Old School List, the Digital Age List, and the Book Bag List. 

Old School pencil boxes are made to accompany piles and piles of journals, loose-leaf notebooks, and legal pads. The most obvious element inside would be, to nobody's surprise,

1. Pencils. And their cousins the pens. At the initial stages of brainstorming ideas, writing utensils are probably enough. 

However, as your project evolves, you may want to add...

2. Highlighters. Fluorescent markers make words stand out. If you come up with something particularly witty, the luminescence of these markers make the writer look smarter. Unfortunately, if you're particularly mundane or foolish, they only accentuate your kinship to a lethargic wombat, but...

3. Mini-Moleskine notebooks and Post-it pads are great for ideas and mess-free edits. On the other hand, if you really want to get rid of ridiculous phrases, Sharpies are great for blotting them out forever while conserving paper and the salvable material. 

And let's not forget every teacher/secretary/writer's friend, 

4. The paper clip/binder for keeping your good stuff together. 

It may be hard to tell, but the Hemingway box above, and maybe yours, is large enough to also contain an

5.  iPod with accompanying earbuds. What songs should be loaded onto it? See the page published earlier "Artists for the Perfect Playlist."

For those who have given up on long hand or who have the penmanship of a flopping carp, the previous list may seem pretty prosaic and boring. "What about digital writers?" you ask. I have answers, but I also have to preface my list here admitting my preference for the Mac. 

If you are a PC person, I'm sorry... 

That's not nice. Sorry. I assume there are PC parallels for what I am about to suggest. I just don't know for sure. I'm willing to learn and share.

Digital Age pencil boxes usually come embedded in your device. Your computer, laptop, and tablet usually has some form of 

1. Word processing like Apple's Pages or Microsoft's Word. Google has Docs or something similar and useful. Speech-to-text features even take away your need to be a good typist. It's a good time to be a writer.

Speaking of Google...Sorry. Didn't mean to give you mental whiplash. But speaking of Google, a really good 

2. Search engine is invaluable to the digital pencil box. Some people like Bing. Others, Yahoo. Still others have access to academic search sites. Personally, I find Google and Wikipedia useful for background information in writing fiction. For more detailed information, use as many engines as possible. (Oh, for former students railing against my prohibition of Wikipedia lo, those may years ago....note that this is for BACKGROUND information. For more detail, Wiki can still be valuable if one follows the linked citations.)

3. Dictionary/thesaurus apps usually come with your device, but I also suggest you make sure you have access to Dictionary.com as either a bookmark or as a separate app. That site uses numerous sources, great etymologies, and provides access to both a dictionary and thesaurus in one place.

4. USB jump drives are simple ways to store your information, as are external hard drives. And make no mistake: Backing up your work is vital. The hard drives have more storage capability, but the jump drives are smaller and simpler to transport. Unfortunately, that size makes them easier to lose as well. Just be careful.

5. Music can be your friend or enemy, so take this advice with caution. iTunes works in two great ways for those who want access to their music. Your downloaded playlists can travel with you on your devices, or if you're daring and like surprises, the new iTunes Radio makes some great selections. 

That being said, I still like Pandora and am playing with Spotify. So any great choices on both.

For more information concerning music and writing, check in the August 2013 archives for the article entitled "Writing and Music: Building the Inspirational Playlist."

6. Organizational tools abound in the App Store, but let me point out one of the most useful that incorporates the best of the Old School and Digital Age lists: Scrivener. Designed with Mac in mind, one can assume correctly it works best in that format, but according to reviewers, the PC adaptation has retained the functionality of the original.

What does Scrivener do? It formats your material. It allows you to search, rearrange, outline with or without digital notecards. Writing tools include a dictionary/thesaurus in both British and American mode, a name generator, and many more. As great as Pages and Word are, Scrivener is much more powerful and writer-centric  Because of all Scrivener can do, it also has a learning curve that will slow you down at the beginning of your first project, but the program makes the compilation of material super simple. The online manual and tutorials are, in a word, wonderful.

The third list features the catch-all contraption that follows good writers wherever they go to compose, the inimitable 

Book bag.

The book bag can hold lots of good stuff, not the least of which is books.  What kind of books?

1. Inspirational books are staples of every trip to the library or coffee shop. These are not necessarily for information, but more for motivation and encouragement. Books like Tao te Ching, The Spiritual Emerson, Dale Carnegie, Will Rogers, and Walden are in my bag because their simple presence can spark a train of thought, an image, or a theme that can keep one writing for hours.

However, they are not the only books to bring to the table or desk. 

2. Reference books are good even if you have a laptop with all the reference apps. A particularly useful reference is, believe it or not, a hard-copy thesaurus.Occasionally, the right word is just not in the digital thesaurus because the writers don't always think the way you do when keying in a reference word. The ONE thesaurus that always seems to have the right synonym is Roget's Super Thesaurus by Marc McCutcheon, published by Writer's Digest Books. Honestly. No other thesaurus, including the massive Roget's, comes close to the usefulness of this reference. Even with Dictionary.com, Scrivener, and Apple, the Super Thesaurus is a must-have.

And no author's book bag is complete without

3. Writing books. It's easy to be overwhelmed by the sheer volume of selections in the writing section of Barnes and Noble, not to mention Amazon. What-to-write, how-to-write, and when-to-write books are about as numerous as pizza joints in the local strip mall, but there are a few that are especially helpful to have in your book bag. 

Four of the most helpful are The Writer's Journey: Mythic Structure for Writers by Christopher Vogler; Gods in Everyman: A New Psychology of Men's Lives and Loves and Goddesses in Everywoman: A New Psychology of Women by Jean Shinoda Bolen, M.D.; Vex Hex Smash Smooch: Let Verbs Power Your Writing by Constance Hale; and How to Write and Sell Your First Novel by Oscar Collier with Frances Spatz Leighton. 

Vogler and Bolen deal with archetypes that can guide plotting and characterization, two of a writer's most important tasks; Hale brings a different method to empowering your language; and finally, Collier gets into the culmination of writing––publishing.

 There are many other books just as valuable that can give you guidance, including ones by such luminaries as William Golding, Ray Bradbury, and Stephen King. Find what works for you and which you will actually use and put them in your bag.

Books are not the only thing to go into your book bag, however. There's also the ever-important

4. Assorted stuff. "Stuff" can be real notecards, journals, staplers, three-ring binders, three-hole punch, ruler, and a rubber rattlesnake just to scare some unsuspecting frump hiding in the library stacks or an annoying child at the window screaming at his inattentive, head-banging mother locked outside in a Mercedes listening to Black Sabbath on noise-canceling headphones. Anything that might prove valuable on your excursion.

CAUTION: A word of warning about the use of book bags: It seems these totes have been infected by the tribble virus and tend to multiply exponentially if not kept under strict control. Untamed stacks can leap out of closets and cupboards, causing severe cranial damage without the slightest provocation.

That advice aside, the important lesson today is to fill your pencil boxes and book bags with the tools of the trade.

Trade.

That's the word. Much better than work. I probably could have found that in the thesaurus. 

Which is the second lesson: Use the tools.

The Final Task

According to Jean-Paul Sartre, we only have one small job to take on: 

What do you think?

from The Dyslexic Canine

Rockin' Rebellion: Get Down with Your Real Self

I have to admit I’m a Beatle fan. Always have been.

So central were they to my life that I bought all the albums from Revolver on just to prove Paul was dead and that we should have an international day of mourning. (Luckily, the music was as brilliant as the marketing scheme with all its graphic and musical symbolism.)

I was so moved by the band's innovation that, except for a maternal scowl that could have shattered Gibraltar, I would have bought the sitar advertised in the Sears catalogue just because George Harrison had one. 

Even though discouraging social convention of a small town prevented hair long enough to reach the eyebrows or cover the ears, in honor of The Beatles' pilgrimage to the Maharishi in India, I wore a Nehru jacket complete with medallion necklace for school picture day. 

I liked ‘em!!

So las week when Michael Tomasky released his new book Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!: The Beatles and America, Then and Now, I had to have it.

Thankfully, Tomasky doesn’t rehash the biographical histories written over the past 50 years. Rather he shows how and why they were so revolutionary musically, socially, and culturally. 

The Great Rebellion called Beatlemania, Tomasky shows, was not about being rebellious in the insubordinate nature of motorcycle gangs or punk rockers. Instead, the insurgence came from being authentically original. 

In other words, The Beatles didn’t try to be different; they simply were different.

Authentically different at a time the world needed them.

Which brings us to today and writing.

Daily, book critics assert that fiction needs something new. I cannot disagree, but like those critics, I have no idea what it needs specifically.

Except that whatever that something is, must be like The Beatles––authentic and real.

When I look back at the classic authors prescribed for teaching in Advanced Placement English classes, the one common thread among them is their originality within their genres and time. 

Ray Bradbury, for example, was not the only sci-fi author, but few others brought the humanity to the genre that he did. 

Jane Austen and the Bronte Sisters were not the first novelists, but they were the most insightful. Particularly of women.

Edgar Alan Poe was not the only Gothic/Romantic writer of his time, but he was the most…out there. "Out there" in a his own unforgettable way.

So how do modern writers become authentically different?

Strangely, there are “rules” for being original. Gretchen Rubin, writing for the blog World of Psychology at the website PsychCentral, found just such a list from an unlikely source: Kurt Vonnegut, one of the most inventive writers ever. 

Ironically, Vonnegut discounts the value of such a list by claiming that America’s greatest short story writer was Flannery O’Connor and she broke all eight of his rules except one. And, he says, all great writers do the same.

So much for the authority and control of rules.

However, Vonnegut's list has value. Rubin relates it thusly:

1. Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.
2. Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.
3. Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.
4. Every sentence must do one of two things — reveal character or advance the action.
5. Start as close to the end as possible.
6. Be a sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them—in order that the reader may see what they are made of.
7. Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.
8. Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To hell with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.

For a more information (like which rule did O'Connor follow) and a chance to respond to the psychology of such admonitions, you will find Rubin’s article at http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/07/23/kurt-vonneguts-8-rules-for-writing-fiction/.

Remember, rebellion simply for rebellion's sake attracts nobody and as such ,accomplishes little. To rock the world as The Beatles did, requires authenticity, truth... YOU! As we cool kids used to say, “Get down with your bad self.”

Unless, of course, you’re not bad…or cool…

The important thing is be real.

Which means it's probably time for me to put the Nehru jacket in a bag for Goodwill and stuff the sitar under the stairs with the banjolele and musical conch.

Later.