In Sympathy for the...Teacher: Poem with an Attitude

I discovered a poem all about attitude this weekend that jumped out and bit me in the face, and I just had to share. Unfortunately, I showed it to our good friend Crabby (the Crabby Curmudgeon) first and he insisted that I let him read it on video. Sigh.

Therefore, let me throw in this disclaimer: I did not write this poem. I do not subscribe to the thoughts expressed. I highly recommend if you find yourself feeling this way on your job, you immediately seek other employment...PLEASE! Especially if you deal with children.

That being said, here is the Crabby Curmudgeon reading D.H. Lawrence's poem "Last Lesson of the Afternoon."  The text of this selection is available at http://books.google.com/books?id=cQYRp8EQrzUC&pg=PA40&lpg=PA40&dq=last+lesson+of+the+afternoon+lawrence&source=bl&ots=l7HGniMzVH&sig=yADHE7RE4DokfMYc081NhovSgbE&hl=en&sa=X&ei=pKTmUvzeI8iIyAGblIGQDA&ved=0CEwQ6AEwBTgK#v=onepage&q=last%20lesson%20of%20the%20afternoon%20lawrence&f=false.

Crabby Curmudgeon comments:

Hey. Crabby Curmudgeon here.

You ever try to teach a composition class to a bunch of 8th grade boys the last hour of the day?

Let me tell you, it's not fun!

And it's never been fun! Just listen to these words from poet and novelist D.H. Lawrence written 1911. You'll understand.

POEM: "Last Lesson of the Afternoon" by D.H. Lawrence

Oh, yeah. That's found in the book The 20th Century in Poetry edited by Michael Hulse and Simon Rae.

So if you've never been a teacher with afternoon classes, now you know what what it's like. If you have, you have my sympathy

I'm the Crabby Curmudgeon. Talk to you later.

Characters: They Are Worthy!

One of my favorite scenes from the movie Wayne's World  occurs when Wayne and Garth spy rock gods Arrowsmith, begin groaning inarticulately, then fall prostrate before the band, raising and lowering their arms while proclaiming, "We're not worthy! We're not worthy!"

It's right up there with the two protagonists head-banging to "Bohemian Rhapsody."

But then again I also used to watch Gilligan's Island and Hee Haw...on purpose.

On a recent vacation I began thinking of that word worthy in a different context––in connection to a variety of sermons and writings by Minnesota pastor, scholar, and writer Greg Boyd where he talks about how every human being who ever was, is, and will be is of "immeasurable worth" to God; hence, the sacrifice of Jesus.

Boyd encourages us...rather, exhorts us..to see and have compassion for the invisible, to acknowledge our fellowship with the scorned and reviled, and to reject judgment of them in favor of loving them.

Now, I could get off on a spiritual treatise here, but that's for a different venue than The Write Wind. If you're interested in what Boyd has to say, I suggest three of his books: The Myth of the Christian Nation, Repenting of Religion, and Benefit of the Doubt. You may also hear him speak by clicking on the "Semons & Media" tab at whchurch.org.

What I would like to talk about here today is bringing this God-like attitude to your treatment of your characters.

It's a bit of a stretch, I know, but hear me out.

Just as the the Almighty formed the physical universe and all within it, you create the world of your story. You create the scene and all the people who inhabit it. For their sake, as well as for that of your readers and your own satisfaction, it behooves you to ensure and recognize that those people are, indeed, worthy. 

Too often, writers fill their stories or books with so many underdeveloped characters that if perchance one should show up later in the narrative, the reader is forced to scramble madly back through the pages to figure out, "Willie Armsdorfer? Who was that again? Was he the guy who ate fried okra during the demolition derby while wearing an orange fedora? Or was he the lawn tractor repairman's third cousin on his mother's side?"  

After vainly searching for hours, the reader's eyes glaze over, his fingers cramp up into arthritic balls, and he punts the book through the picture window while muttering not-so-vague obscenities.

The lesson to the writer: Don't turn your readers into book-punting, window-shattering,  arthritic curse mongers. The way to do this is to make your characters count.

How do you do that? Here are five ideas.

1. Know your characters. First, remember that in a metaphorical sense, you are God of your story. That means when it comes to the inhabitants, you are omniscient...or at least should be. You should know what the characters think, what they do, why they act, what their roles in the story are.

That being said, when it comes to describing these people,

2. Avoid the superficial. Yes, specific clothes, coiffeur, and possessions can help identify a person, but...Unless what a person wears reveals a person's propensity for dalmatian fur, unless his/her hairstyle symbolizes the pro-Siberian husky nature of the character's mother, unless you as a writer are getting mega-product-placement-dollars to identify the smart phone your protagonist uses, shut up and move on. Give the reader what is needed and get back to the story.

That does not mean be cursory in your description. It means look deeper and

3. Seek the unexpected. When Boyd talks about the people we walk by everyday as being invisible, he refers to our tendency to discount or ignore what those people have to offer the world, often to our own disservice. As bad as that is for humans in real life, it is especially wrong for the deity (the writer) of your imaginary universe.

As stated twice now, in your story's world, you are God. You must know what qualities these people have. Or how to discover them. To accomplish this, as the story progresses, dig until you find what the characters are hiding. Reveal it. Relish it. Use it.

When you are thoroughly acquainted with their true selves,

4. Assure that your characters contribute. If you're going to introduce a person into the story, make sure they intensify the atmosphere, the conflict, the rising action, the resolution...SOMETHING. 

How? There are lots of ways.

Maybe the fry cook at the truck stop gives a million dollars to the construction of a new hospital. Maybe the town drunk saves a little girl who falls through the ice at the skating pond. Maybe the babysitter actually sits on babies. Let your characters do something besides simply exist. 

Finally, learn one of the greatest lessons in life:

5. Less is more. Architect Mies van der Rohe used this sentence to strip design of decoration and artifice in favor of function. His buildings are noted for their spare, clean lines, their simplicity. 

In literature, the adage can apply to the number of characters in your story as well. A few characters that the reader grows to know and love (or detest, depending on your purpose) is preferable to plethora of bodies that meld into a mind-numbing mass of bleh.

The key, then, is to promote your characters from the scenery to the foundation of your narrative. Take, for example, the person in the yellow box in the picture above. Let us know who he is, what he is, and why the heck he's in the yellow box in the first place. In other words, take him out of the tinted yellow box and expose him to the clear world you created for him.

Let him know, as Stephen Tyler did for Wayne and Garth, "You're worthy! You're worthy!" Both your characters and your readers will thank you for the assurance.

As an added bonus, you might discover, as Greg Boyd tells us, we all have "immeasurable worth." Kinda good news, don't you think?

Change for Thought

This week, Diane and I are on vacation...of sorts. Something/Some people are leading us to the conclusion that changes are in the wind. Write Wind or otherwise. Hence, I looked for an inspiring quote to further lead us. I found this oldie by excellent-ie from one of the most thoughtful people ever, Mahatma Ghandi.

The Crabby Curmudgeon: The Three Naps of Rumination Monday

It’s cold outside! -45ºF windchill.

I know. It’s winter in Minnesota. What would I expect?

Be that as it may, IT’S COLD OUTSIDE!

While some people think this is a normal state of affairs here, the things that make life different today is that the governor closed the schools, many stores and institutions                                                                                  have shut down, and traffic outside is virtually nonexistent. Stuck inside, I’m wondering what I should be doing.

I can hear you scream, “You should be writing,” but my main inclination is to hibernate by burrowing under a mountain of blankets and waiting for spring. But that wouldn’t accomplish anything.

Or would it? 

The Crabby Curmudgeon has an idea.

Video Transcript

Are you making fun of my hat? Really?

Well, let  me tell you something. I have to go out here and get the mail later and it’s cold enough to freeze a penguin’s…bill off. I’m just gearing up for the trip. Then it’s right back into the house for Rumination Monday.

“What the heck is Rumination Monday,” you ask?

It’s one of the most important writing activities any writer can partake in. Especially if the brain is locked or distracted… or frozen. It’s taking time to think.

I know. I know. You always think when you write.

But sometimes it pays to think before you write. That’s where a day away from the keyboard can help. And especially on a frigid Monday afternoon, you have a perfect excuse.

Now, the way I found that works the best is to divide your activity… and yes, thinking is an activity… into three segments that I like to call naps.

Hey! When you get to be old you’ll understand the whole concept of naps.

The three naps are called visualizing, synthesizing, and energizing.

 Okay. Now. The first nap visualizing is taking time to close your eyes and see. I know. It sounds contradictory, but it works. Believe me. You see your characters. You see the setting. You see their  situations. You see their reactions.

It’s difficult to do this before a computer screen. Now, what you can see with your eyes closed... much more accurate.

Also, because it’s a nap, you need to lie down. Seriously. A prone position allows the sights, sounds, and smells to flow, unimpeded by transferring a thought from mind to the keyboard. Yeah,

Now, when you’ve got a passel of images running through your head, it’s time to get up, eat a sandwich and maybe some chocolate, and regroup.

On returning to the couch or the bed or the bare floor, lie on your back, and with your eyes open, though barely focused, you synthesize the images you saw earlier. Okay. What did you learn about the people and settings that you didn’t know before? What will influence the story? What is that hanging on the ceiling?

Okay. You may want to close your eyes until you can concentrate a little better. I'm a little distracted by the cold.

Anyway...Maybe before lunch, maybe some more lunch, a cold run to the mailbox, or an extended potty break 'cause when you gotta go, you gotta...go....Well, anyway...

The final nap of the day usually doesn’t include any somnambulant activity at all. And that’s okay. That is energizing. This features the fiction writer’s most important tool, the big question “What if…”

With your new knowledge of people, places and things in your story, become the troublemaker and ask yourself “What if so-and-so did such and such?” “What if this happened?” “What if this didn’t happen?”

You really do need to lie down for this part because for some reason, in the upright “awake” position, the internal censor tends to show up and rebel against your thoughts, yelling, “NO! NO! That can’t happen. Be reasonable.”

In a dream state or a near dream state or physical position, the writer can more easily ignore the censor and let the characters and plot grow. With all this new stuff, you’ll be a writing machine when you get up.

Best of all, with a a creative fire burning inside you, you’ll forget how cold it is outside.

Something to ruminate about.

I’m the Crabby Curmudgeon. Talk to you later.