The Art of Authority: Eliminating the Boss and Embracing the Mentor

"Life would be wonderful, wouldn't it, if those darned people in charge would just get their act together."

"Yeah, especially if they could just treat us like human beings."

" Yeah, I hate my boss."

Sound familiar? It's a conversation that arises daily around the world. Writers about their publishers. Workers about their employers. Voters about politicians. Seemingly, the whole world is revolting against authority that is, frankly, revolting.

This is going to seem weird to some, but since I retired years ago, I miss dealing with people both under and as an authority figure, mainly because my life has been blessed with an abundance of superb coworkers, students, and supervisors. In fact, as 2013 draws to a close, I have been reflecting on the people I worked with, the ones that shaped my careers, my values, and my life. I wish everybody could experience what I did.

This has been a tumultuous year with major disruptions by uncontrollable events from the government shutdown to a shift in my spiritual life. More traumatic, however, was the death of key family members, friends, colleagues, and authority figures.

This has been an especially difficult week. When I was leaving town, I learned the man who made a teacher out of me passed away, and his death revived memories of how this one person shaped my life. 

This man, master teacher Jerry Slough, taught me how to deal with students, colleagues, and parents. He taught me the discipline needed to prepare, adjust, and evaluate my performance in and out of the classroom. His words were equal parts praise and correction, reflection and laughter. He was an inspiration and just plain fun to be around.

He was the supervising teacher when I finished my college education as a student teacher. He was the department head when I began work. Later, he became the assistant principal. Yes, he was always an authority figure, but he was never my "boss."

Rather, he was advisor, guide, counselor, mentor.

Mentor.

That word gets thrown around loosely nowadays, so I use it with caution.  As I think about my friend, though, I realize it is the most accurate word to describe him. His job, his mission in life, was never to boss. He was an educator, a helper, a seeker of excellence in himself and his school.

So he was never boss. He was always mentor. 

What is the difference between a boss and a mentor? The following definitions may seem hyperbolic and simplistic (I tend to be that way at times). They are, however, based on observations—and, yes, my prejudices, so you can take them for what you will.

Boss and Mentor Defined

When people talk negatively about bosses, two common traits emerge. Yes, the boss is an authority figure, but he is also self-centered and motivated by personal gain or profit (Profit usually refers to money, but can also apply to power and prestige.)

The mentor, on the other hand, is other-oriented and motivated by more intrinsic rewards than monetary abundance, opting instead for a prosperity measured by a sense of accomplishment and respect for and from others.

Stanford professor Robert Sutton's naughtily titled book The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn't accurately describes the boss mentality and habits, recounting the abuses that destroy the creativity, loyalty, and contentment of the very workers the boss needs to survive in the business world.

That's not to say there aren't exceptions to Sutton's premise. For example, he says, Apple flourished not because of its boss Steve Jobs, but in spite of him. That said, I highly recommend Sutton's book as a guide to anybody in a position of power, whether employer or educator, parent or pastor.

Beyond Sutton's Dirty Dozen behaviors, I present seven traits of the boss and contrast them with those of the counterpart of the mentor.

Boss and Mentor: A Collection of Contrasts

1. Bosses dominate. Mentors cultivate. Bosses love power and love getting their own way. Their goal is conformity to their wishes and their techniques. Meanwhile, mentors cultivate a climate where every worker has value, creativity and progress are fostered, and input is welcomed. Instead of exerting power over their workers, mentors solicit loyalty by exhibiting trust, gratitude, and support.
2. Bosses discourage. Mentors encourage.  Lost in a narcissistic world, the boss discourages honest criticism and suggestions. This is done through bitterness, anger and retribution. Mentors, on the other hand, not only supervise the actions of workers, they seek to learn from those workers as well.
3. Bosses use fear. Mentors use faith. Somewhere, somebody convinced the boss that the surest method to retain control is by instilling fear, often to the point of making workers  avoid encountering the boss in the in hallway or the elevator (a la Steve Jobs). Mentors, in contrast, uses compliments and expresses faith in employees' ability, assuring them they can accomplish the task set before them. 
4. Bosses love rules while for mentors, love rules. The boss thinks good rules make good works. "Do what you're told the way you are told, you'll do fine," the boss says. The mentor believes good workers need no rules since their motivation comes from inside. "I don't believe in rules," the mentor will say, "but I do follow this one norm: I will treat you with respect, knowing that you will treat me the same. Deal?"
5. Bosses mandate. Mentors delegate. Bosses enjoy the importance that comes with the authoritarian position, essentially, appointing themselves gods, attempting to control every aspect of their company's operation. The mentors accept their limitations and their humanity, delegating the appropriate tasks to the appropriate workers for the greatest good of their customers and workers.
6. Bosses coerce. Mentors convince. Bosses uses manipulation to get what they want, utilizing threats and promises that are easily broken. The mentors will appeal to the "better angels of our nature," by appealing to what is beneficial for all involved—the business, the worker, the customer.
7. The word of a boss stings. The word of a mentor soothes.  Criticism has its place in any human endeavor. The attitude of criticism, however, affects its effectiveness. Bosses sit in judgement of every aspect of performance. "Can't you do anything right?" is their motto. Mentors smooth over mistakes and praise successes. Their mantra is "You can do it. I know you can."

I know what some people are thinking, that these thoughts may fit in small organizations like schools and neighborhood stores, but not in the modern world of big risk, big business. However, these are not "pie-in-the-sky" observations by some old guy holed up in his private home office reminiscing about the good old days.

Au contraire. Take the example of Herb Kelleher, former CEO of Southwest Airlines. Here was a man who originated and built an an airline from the ground up by embracing human contact and respect. He said, "The core of our existence ... are dedication, devotion, and loyalty—the feeling that you are participating in a crusade."

In the Southwest culture, EVERYBODY is valuable—customer, worker, shareholder. And as an institution, everybody's welfare is important. Kelleher also said, “A company is stronger if it is bound by love rather than by fear.” (For more insight on Kelleher and Southwest Airlines, check this link: http://www.logomaker.com/blog/2012/05/21/9-inspirational-quotes-on-business-by-herb-kelleher/)

And the mentor fosters that love more than the boss. Therefore, for our sanity and our success as leaders and followers, it behooves us to eliminate our attraction to the boss and embrace the mentor.

Thanks for reminding me, Jerry.